There might be more than 5 top ways to help a friend facing infertility but supporting a friend going through infertility can be a challenge. Many times, you want to be supportive but you are not sure how your support will be taken. Will your support be viewed as intrusive, insensitive, or unloving? It can be a hard position to be but I have been through this and I totally understand what it looks like and feels like from both sides of the coin.
Going through infertility is no fun at all, even though your friend might be trying to brush issues under the carpet when out and about, deep inside, your friend might be obsessing over her egg count, her embryo quality, or calculating her next dates. It can be an endless circle of an emotional rollercoaster.
The awareness around infertility is ongoing, even with the National infertility awareness week that takes place in the US in the third week of April or the one that takes place in the UK in November, the loneliness and limited local support groups are real. When most ladies go through the throes of infertility, they find it difficult to tell many friends.
Where will they start? From the blood tests to the tracking to the complicated and delicate world of in-vitro fertilization, it can be difficult to delve into such conversations and what it entails in its totally. The endless shots, the numerous scans, the anxiety, the anticipation, and the disappointments.
Sometimes, you might make the wrong statement, the wrong assumptions, the wrong comment even if it sounds genuine, it can be offensive to your friend facing infertility. So what exactly should you be saying and how can you really help a friend facing infertility? I have compiled a list of 5 ways you might be able to help your friend going through infertility and 5 things you should avoid.
5 Ways to Help your Friend Going through Infertility.
- Listen: Please lend a listening ear and try your best not to ask too many questions. Let your friend take the lead in the conversations and discussions. Most women might just want to vent about their emotional rollercoaster. Answer with phrases like, “I’m so sorry, this is happening.” A few words go a long way in alleviating her initial worries or fear.
- Check-in: Check-in with your friend on a regular basis, set a day to talk, and be gentle in your tone and reaction. Use phrases like – I’m thinking about you, I’m praying with you, send a text – I’m here if you want to talk.
- Invite your friend: Let your friend know that you are available for a chat about infertility and anything else. Don’t make it sound like you are inviting her to a pity party and try not to pressure her to tell you all that is happening.
- Think of fun ways you can treat her: Plan a ladies spa day, a facials day, or just a check-up for a coffee.
- Show empathy – You have to understand that everything can change, she might feel ready to discuss some aspects of her treatment with you and she might not want to talk about other aspects.
5 Things to Avoid Saying to your friend Going through Infertility.
- Consider adoption. It is not in your place to suggest adoption to a friend going through infertility. Although adoption can be a great way for her to achieve her dream and she might actually be considering it, but, it is not the solution to her problem. Take her lead on this and be sensitive to her concerns.
- What is the latest news you have in public. Talking about her issue publicly even with groups of familiar people. If she has shared her story with you in private, it is wrong to put her on the spot and expect her to talk about her infertility. It is best to find private moments to share your discussions.
- I understand what you are going through. Except you have been through the same situations, please avoid saying you understand what she is going through. It can be difficult to fully understand what is going on if you have not walked in the infertility shoes.
- I heard about a really good doctor. Again, avoid giving advice, medically or otherwise especially if you have not been asked. Your role is to be an emotional strength and pillar.
- Sister A was successful, you will be successful too. Every woman is different and it is extremely important that sharing other people’s success stories can have a negative impact on your friend’s mental health.
Although these lists of the 5 ways to help your friend through infertility and things to avoid saying are not exhaustive, please approach this topic with sensitivity and kindness. What your friend wants from you is the knowledge that you are available.
Please let me know in the comments how you have supported your friend going through infertility.
